A psychic predicts the future of The Tonight Show

Earlier today, NBC announced that Jimmy Fallon will officially take over The Tonight Show from Jay Leno next April. Shortly after the announcement, I received an email from Ms. Rosa Conjunctivitis, who claims to be a psychic. She sent me a timeline for the future of NBC's late night schedule, and gave me permission to share it with you.

April 2014:

• Jimmy Fallon takes over The Tonight Show.
• Seth Meyers takes over Late Night.
• Jay Leno goes back to doing stand-up full-time.

October 2014:

• In an emergency move to shore up poor ratings before the November sweeps, NBC brings back Jay Leno to replace Jimmy Fallon.
• Jimmy Fallon gets a $20 million bonus to leave the show. His bonus is paid for by a $1 charge added to the bill of every Comcast subscriber.

January 2015:

• Jimmy Fallon begins hosting a new six-hour-long late night show for Fox titled "Jimmy FallON All Night."

January 2019:

• Although Jay Leno's Tonight Show remains the #1 late night talk show, the average age of its viewers has increased to 69, so NBC replaces Jay Leno with Seth Meyers. Comcast adds another $2 to all of its subscribers' bills to pay for NBC's settlement with Jay Leno.
• NBC names Funnybot 3000, an android, to be the new host of Late Night.
• Jay Leno goes back to doing stand-up full-time.

August 2019:

• Faced with a mass revolt by its remaining 46 affiliates, all of which are owned by one 69-year-old man, Jay Leno returns to host The Tonight Show. Comcast adds another $4 to the bills of all of its subscribers in order to pay Meyers and Leno.
• Leno purchases the former Mall of America and turns it into a garage for his car collection.

January 2020:

• Seth Meyers becomes the host of a nightly combination talk show and clearance sale on QVC titled Wholesale After Dark with Seth Meyers.

June 2024:

• NBC announces plans to replace Jay Leno on The Tonight Show with Funnybot 3000. However, NBC's four remaining affiliates threaten to switch to QVC, so NBC keeps Leno as the host.

March 2046:

• Jay Leno passes away at age 95 while doing weekend stand-up at the "Komedy Kabana" in Elkhart, Indiana.

April 2046:

• The Tonight Show's new format consists of an hour-long broadcast of Jay Leno's embalmed body from a glass-walled sarcophagus built where the ice skating rink used to stand in Rockefeller Center. A drummer plays a rimshot every three minutes.

Leno Moving Back to 11:30 for 30 Minutes?

The New York Times is reporting that NBC is planning to move Jay Leno back to 11:35 p.m. to do a 30-minute show, followed by Conan O'Brien at 12:05 a.m. for an hour, and then Jimmy Fallon at 1:05 a.m. No word on what show gets named what, but I'm betting that O'Brien keeps "The Tonight Show" name and Leno's show remains "The Jay Leno Show". Besides being an act of desperation, NBC's moves smack of more half-steps: They can't remove Conan O'Brien from the Tonight Show without paying him a huge kill fee ($50 million, as I recall), but what can Jay Leno do in 30 minutes? A monologue, perhaps a sketch or comedy bit, but no interviews. O'Brien would start at 12:05 a.m., and Jimmy Fallon would be in Carson Daly's nosebleed territory.

NBC's hope is that moving Leno back to 11:35 p.m. will let them win the first half-hour of late night again against Letterman and Nightline, and give O'Brien a better lead-in, with the goal of keeping viewers from tuning to Letterman for the second half of his show, or to ABC's Jimmy Kimmel. But given NBC's track record, the chances are more likely that Nightline and Letterman will stay on top, the Tonight Show will be even more crippled than it is now, and Late Night will be killed in the ratings.

Why can't NBC simply bite the bullet and put Jay Leno back as the host of the Tonight Show? Pay O'Brien his kill fee and offer him Late Night again, move whatever Jimmy Fallon does to 1:35 a.m., and get rid of Carson Daly. Rather than really fix the problem, NBC's management looks like it's going to make another "bold move" that's really a half-step intended to save money.